Peace costs 20 dollars

I am pissed off and I'll tell you why. I'm sitting here in an internet shop in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I like this town a lot. Anyway, so I'm checking email and whatnot when this monk comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder. As soon as I turn he thrusts this shiny cardboard amulet in my face and says "peace". So I take it and he starts rambling on, don't know what he's saying. Then he takes out a little pad for me to write my name, nationality, etc. Then I see a column that says donation, and everybody above me has given 20 dollars. Well fuck, I could live on that for a few days if I had to. I had to give something because he also gave me a bracelet. All I had was a 10 and 20 dollar bill so he got the 10.

I'm not happy about it. It's not that I don't like being charitible. Quite the contrary. It's just that while I'm in Cambodia I would like to help Cambodians. Well I look at my amulet and its got chinese script all over it. Theres a buddha on one side and on the other side...

There's a fuckin ferrari! What in the hell does that have to do with buddhist peace. I gave 10 dollars to this tosser. What a day.

Do you know where your lotus are?

Today, I paid for my room, had breakfast at the market, took a tour of a lotus farm (where my guide picked many for us to eat. I suspected this might have been stealing. It was good though, looked like a grape, tasted like sweet corn) and some temples, bought a traditional Cambodian checkered scarf, had lunch and bought lunch for my guide, spent an hour on the internet, had an ice cream, dinner at a restaurant (and a few beers are projected on the agenda). All of this cost me less than 20 dollars. I love this place.

I sat down by the river to play chess with my Dutch friend. Everybody was fascinated. I felt like a celebrity, at least as much a celebrity as a chess player can be. This one guy came over and asked me how much the little set cost (which I bought in Chiang Mai, Thailand). I said a price that was less than what I paid but even still I felt terrible because it was clearly very much money to him. I felt compelled to give it to him, but then I wouldn't be able to play anymore.

Hot cola burn baby

So I was in Si Phan Don for a few days which was sweet. A little Mekong paradise. I would have stayed longer but I ran low on money. Actually, I got over into Cambodia but had to skip out on a whole part of the country because there were no atm's. I had only 6 dollars left so I unfortunately had to high tail it to Kampang Chom where I am now. On the bus there was a woman with baby sitting across the aisle. First she breast-fed baby, ok, makes sense. But then the baby drank a can and a half of coke. hm, that can't be good for baby. Needless to say, I think that much caffeine and sugar for baby is like banging 4 or 5 lines up the nose for us grown-ups. Baby was definitely blissed out for about 30 minutes until he crashed hard and took a shit, making the whole rest of the bus journey not so pleasant. It's pretty dirty here but I like it and luckily there are atm's.

All aboard

So I took a bus ride to Pakse today. This wasn't the first local bus ride I have taken here, but this one was particularly interesting. I didn't find it altogether unpleasant, but it probably wouldn't have been for the more claustrophobic traveler. When I got on the bus there were a few empty seats but I decided to sit on a little raised platform at the back for the extra legroom. There may or may not be any lao expression for "this bus is full". I assume this because anyone who flags down the bus may get on, regardless of the quantity and nature of their cargo. It wasn't the most uncomfortable. Sure, I would have liked to rest my bum on a sack of rice, or on the steps by the door, or maybe sit on the roof with the motorcycle, but I didn't have the worst seat. I was fortunate enough the be sitting next to a duck. Seeing as the duck spoke as much english as anyone else on the bus, he wasn't a bad travel mate. I was also sitting at the perfect position for all the chickens and eggs-on-sticks to be shoved in my face when the children boarded to sell food (this happens every 20-30 minutes). All in all, I feel a little closer to the Lao people for having endeavored what is total commonplace for them.

Montauk monster, not anymore

So here in Savannahket, there isn't a ton to do. However, there is a sweet dinosaur museum. Well, it's more of a dinosaur room, but it's still really cool. I went checked out some fossils and bones. I couldn't read anything though because it was all in lao and french. However, one picture immediately caught my attention. Some of you may remember the story of the Montauk monster which washed ashore this past summer. This thing was clearly a monster.



Now, check this dinosaur.


That's another case closed.

Other cases remain open. I went for breakfast at this restaurant the other day. The woman runnin the show seemed quite attractive, an exciting prospect. However, then she spoke and her voice was deeper than the average man which made things a little confusing. Oh ladyboys, why do you torture me so?

Unsolved mysteries

So I took a bus today from Vientiene to Savannakhet. The bus took about 8 hours and was everything that I have come to expect from bus rides. I've developed quite a patience for it. When I got to the bus station, a tuktuk driver told me that the bus didn't leave from here anymore. I had the feeling he was just trying to get a fare and so I went in search of info. I found a timetable on the wall that said the bus was leavign from there. He said "that sign is from 2002, now it is 2009" Well thanks for the update. Turns out he was right though and the bus did leave from the other station.

I get in this evening and get into a guesthouse. I open my bag and the shirt that is on top is both soaked and dirty. I don't understand this. When I put the shirt in my bag it was both clean and dry. Also, nothing else in the bag was wet at all, none of it. Cue music from unsolved mysteries.

Tiger five star

I'm in Vientiane. Capital city of Laos. It's small and quiet, like most of Laos I suppose. The place I'm staying at is one of the shittiest places I've seen but it's cheap so I deal with chipping paint and dangerously thin, broken stairs.

Last night I met up with my Aussie friends and we went out for a few beers. We passed a minimart and found what I call tiger five star. It's a little bottle with a picture of a tiger with five stars beneath. The only words in english are "Leopard medical brand brown mixture" and the active ingredients, one of which is opium tincture. So we all downed a bottle of that and had a splendid time. We ended up hanging out on the roof of their guesthouse, listening to some tunes and laughin it up. At some point, we discovered the word "clunge" which I quite enjoy.

One happy pizza, please

I'm in Vang Vieng which is fun, but as far as I'm concerned is a ruined place. I"m sure it was once a beautiful town by the mountains but has been turned into a party spot for drunk westerners. There are nothing but guesthouses, restaurants, and vendors selling sandwiches and pancakes (actually rotti, more like a crepe than a pancake).

One of the biggest attractions in this town is tubing. What I imagined this was to be floating down the river in an innertube. The reality is renting an overpriced innertube, floating down the river for 20 meters and being pulled into a bar on the river. Here there are lots of booze and drugs. They also have massive swings that are fun and terribly unsafe. I jumped into the river from the swing and landed directly flat on my back which was terribly painful. One friend came out of the water coughing blood. Another guy had to go home. There are free shots of lao lao (rice whiskey) to be had at your convenience. Then you get back in the tube and float another 20 meters and do it again.

The whole thing is really such a scam. You have to put a deposit on the innertube that you get back upon return. At the last bar along the river a guy from the rental place comes and steals tons of tubes so that many people won't have one and will have to forfeit their deposit. At this point they are all too drunk to care. They also ask that you return the tubes by a certain time but everybody has been so busy partying that they dont go down the river and end up having to take and overpriced tuktuk back from the river. The whole thing is complete madness but I think it was a pretty good time.

For some reason, in Vang Vieng, and only in Vang Vieng, there are tons of restaurants with seats in one direction, all facing two televisions playing Friends. I don't know why they play friends but they do. Walking down the street you see hoardes of falang (westerners) hypnotized by the sweet glow of friends. It also probably helps than many of these places serve "space pizza" which can be pretty conducive to watching tv.

There is no doubt that this is one of the most bizzare places in the world.

Everybody psycho dance

Laos kicks ass. They don't use coins, fuck yea, dream come true (although pretty much all the notes look the same). I took a boat down the mekong river to luang probang where I am now. the ride was sweet, although overcrowded. The boat stops periodically to be boarded by children who sell you beer and chips. the ride is beautiful. Before getting on the boat, the guy who was in charge of operations sat everybody down and gave a talk about how shitty the boat is, and how shitty pakbeng is (where you have to stay for one night), and how much better and faster the bus is. Lots of people then paid him extra to take the bus instead. Unfortunate for them really cause everything that dude said was total bullshit. At least I didn't pay more money to miss out on a sweet boat ride.

A more interesting story happened the night before I got on the boat. i was in a restaurant in huay xia eating dinner when the waiter invited me to come with him to his friends wedding. I was a little skeptical at first as I've found that most people who are overly nice are either trying to scam you or sell something to you (an unfortunate consequence of booming tourism in poor countries). But this guy was totally cool and I went with him to this wedding. Upon entrance the bride and groom pour you a shot of johnny walker red label, not too shabby. you sit and have to eat tons of food, which is great except that I had just eaten dinner. The beer and whiskey is endless.

The most interesting part of the whole thing was the traditional lao dance. I couldn't really understand what the guy was saying to me about it. As far as I can tell, its called the lao psycho dance. I assure you though, its very tame. Everyone stands in a circle and gently waves there arms and hands up and down, with forearm staying perpendicular to upper arm. eye contact is minimal. all in all, it was an awesome time and everyone was so happy that I was there. There was actually another wedding the next night that I was invited to but I had already purchased my boat ticket, drats.

That'll be one miiiilion dollars! I mean kip

So I left chiang rai cause it wasn't that cool and went to Chiang khong. I stayed there for one night. There was a bar which had a bunch of dvd's that you could watch for free so I took advantage of that. Watched "Before the devil knows you're dead" It was cool, I reccomend it (If nothing else but to see Marisa Tomei topless, meow). There happened to be this concert going on in town so I walked over to that. I was the only white person there which I thought was cool at first. Some people approached me and were happy I was there. I stood in a field to watch the concert. A group of guys sitting in front of me kept pointing and looking at me so I left, fearing an oncoming stabbing.

I crossed the river to Laos today. Laos seems sweet so far. I exchanged by thai bat for lao kip, thoroughly ripped off in the process. I really didn't need to exchange because you can use kip or baht pretty much everywhere (or US dollars as well, and you sometimes recieve change in combinations of any of the above). However, I'm now rolling in dough with a wallet full of 50,000 kip notes (writing this blog entry and checking my email will have cost 10,000 kip). Tomorrow I'm gonna get on a boat and go down the river.

Sleeping outside

Today I reluctantly left Pai. Such a good time there. I'll miss hanging out at the tatoo shop. I'm not sure how this came to be the place to hang out but it did, and I couldn't imagine a better place.

I took a local bus from pai back to chiang mai. there was approximately 3 inches between the end of the seat, and the back of the one in front of it. No exaggeration. perhaps I got on the bus for locals without legs because I don't understand how anybody could fit in those seats. It was a 4 hours bus ride but was fully packed with almost as many standing as sitting. The next bus was a bit more comfortable and took me to chiang rai where I am now.

It was dark when I got in and couldn't be fucked walking and finding my way so I hired a tuktuk. He took me to this guesthouse but they told me they were full. Dissapointed, I asked if they had anything at all. She told me they had a bed but it's outside. Well, I've taken it. It's just a bed in the hallway but at least it has a mosquito net, and the bathroom is not far. lucky for me, I get to see everyone who goes to the bathroom and will know how long they are there for.