Please stop crying, ass

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had as good a time as I did. My new years eve was a long and enjoyable one. The highlight would be standing by the pai river at night watching fireworks and lanterns go up into the sky. It was like looking at a second sky, in which the stars were much closer and much brighter. Some of the lanterns ever have fireworks attached which explode as they fly heavenward. I didn't get that drunk as I don't really enjoy drinking all that much anymore, I think I'm gonna give it up for a while.

There was a small bit of drama and I had to end up being the good guy and consoling this dude who wouldnt stop crying over this girl who he had just met. He was clearly deeply troubled (which he didn't hide. he had shared some of his psychiatric history with me over lunch a few days earlier). at this bar where we were hanging out i decided to practice some thai on the bartender. I asked where the bathroom was and ,when directed, walked there. At this same time these guys came out carrying a man that certainly looked dead and they asked for my help. I helped them for a bit before i was pushed away. I went back to sit down with the others, I didnt really need the bathroom anyway.

Today's agenda includes reading and relaxing. The town is already much quieter than it was before and its nice to be able to walk down the street again. Jeremy, the kiwi guy i share a room with, is also going on a mission to find a bong. I may or may not update you on our success.

Thai woodstock

I've been in Pai for a few days now and I think it's my favorite place yet. It's a small little mountain town, lots of hippies. It's what I imagine woodstock would have been like 30-40 years ago when it would have been cool (unlike now when it kinda sucks ass). There's a really good community of backpackers here and it's great running into people all day. There are some really good bars where everyone just sits around a fire and hangs out (as opposed to the bar scene back home and most places that I despise). The other night I was hitting it off with this Aussie girl at the bar and we left together. I was in for sure. She said I could come back with her to her place but her roomate would be there. We got back to her room and her fuckin roomate was there, food poisoned, and not sleeping. So the three of us slept in the bed. There was minimal making out but thats it because the roomate was inches away and clearly not sleeping. What a terrible dissapointment. I thought I would make up for it the next night but then she pulled her shit on some other dude. Story of my life.

Yesterday me and this kiwi guy borrowed a motorbike (which everyone drives here) and took a drive to this village where we could supposedly find some weed. We drove there and the village women just flag you down and make a smoking gesture. They've got weed, shrooms, opium, and heroine. It's an interesting experience buying drugs from an old woman, children clutching at her thighs, shyly avoiding our eyes. It's all really cheap, we bought what was probably about 10 grams for the equivelent of 12 bucks. However, the shit is pretty much terrible.

I will probably stay here for new years because this town is a blast.

Sound for sore ears

I just got back from a 3 day jungle trek. The group was me, Tina the Slovenian, and a bunch of english jehova's witness' (I didnt ask them if they went door to door, but they did tell me about their religion and it sounds like a cult). They complained so much about the walking but the truth was that we didn't walk that much, nor was the track very difficult. I liked them though and we had a good time pointing out all the differences between english and american words (everyone loves doing this).

The second night we camped out at a waterfall which was cool. The best part was this guy named Poti. He was Thai and deaf. I was actually able to communicate more with him though than most of the other locals I have met. He could read and write english and we established a good rapport through charades. I learned his life story (he lost his hearing when he was in the army and a grenade exploded near him). He also invited me to come with him to his village for new years. He made it seem pretty awesome. He also told me there would be many women for me to choose as a bride and have children with (I would have to move there permanently though). I really want to take him up on his offer but I have no idea how to contact him. I'm back in Chaing Mai now so I think there's no way. I really liked that guy. He had also given me a ride on his motorcycle through the jungle. I almost fell off once and thought I was gonna die the whole time.

There was also short stints of elephant riding, bamboo rafting, and beer drinking. I was dissapointed that there was no opium though. The local hill tribe villages produce a lot of it and it was definitely around. I had spoken to some aussies prior to leaving for the trek and they had smoked with their guide. Our group was full of religious nuts and they probably would have opposed the idea.

The night before I went on the trek I met this other American guy in the hostel. He was really cool and invited me to come out to some bars with him. The first place we went to was some quite locals place and was nice. Then he was telling me about some other bar but I wasn't really listening, but agreed to go anyway. So we end up going to this go-go bar. It was interesting to say the least. It's kinda like a strip club, except that there are lots of girls dancing on stage and they're not naked but they are trying to convince you to hire them for sex. I was sitting at the bar having a beer and one of them came up and grabbed my crotch, then gave me a lap dance. This was increasing my horny. I was very tempted but then remembered that I am now on a strict budget.

We then went to this other bar where there are tons of "bar girls". These aren't prostitutes, rather women who are looking for western boyfriends to spend money on them. The american guy was telling me that he had been to these places before, and that all of the girls were good at connect four. I thought, whatever, I can kick these little girls' asses at connect four (little in size, not in age). So I challenged this one nearby girl and we played 5 or 6 games and I never stood a chance. It didn't look like she was even trying. It was embarassing but she was very modest. One of them wanted to leave with me but that would mean paying for a hotel room and condoms, and I also had to get up early for the jungle trek. I reluctantly declined the second offer of the night.

C'mon ride the train

I spent a few days in Ayuthaya, nothing to report, I didn't even really see anything while I was there. One day I went walking to check out this old ruined temple and got hopelessly lost. I could always see it over the trees but couldn't figure out how to get inside. I finally gave up and was punished with terrible blisters on my feet.

I took the train to Chiang Mai which so far seems like a really cool place. The train was unreasonably cold. They give you blankets but I would just rather they not put the a/c at 12 degrees. I think I know how it feels to be chased by the papparazzi like a celebrity. At least that's what I imagined when I got off the train and was assaulted by cab drivers. Everyone was yelling on top of eachother so that I could't hear anybody. I just walked through, saying I'm gonna walk. But when I got outside I figured it would actually be reasonable to take a cab. I found a guy outside who took me. I kept thinking how pissed off all those other guys must have been since I turned them down. It's a cab eat cab world here.

I walked around town today and saw some more temples. They are really sweet and everything but how many giant golden buddha sculptures can you see and still be amazed?

Anyway, tomorrow I'm gonna find a new guesthouse because the one I'm in now is dirty. Also the bedroom door just locks with a little suitcase lock. Also, it doesn't have western toilets. I know I'm in asia but when go 23 years with one style of toilet, well you know.

So Sexy, Ah!

I don't know why, but I seem to attract gay men worldwide. Sometimes I wish I was gay, I would get laid far more often. I sat at this place for breakfast yesterday and this thai dude was talking to me. He kept saying how he looked, "so sexy, ah!" and would strike a pose (like framing his face but with only one hand). He was also gawking at me while I ate, making me feel pretty uncomfortable. Then he grabbed my silverware and was trying to feed me but that was a bit much.

Today I am gonna get on the train to Ayuthaya because I think I need to leave Bangkok. Plus, there isn't much more to do here anyway.

Lost all my money

Day 3, Bangkok, Lost 3000 dollars. I don't really want to divulge more details at this time because (1) The circumstances of this loss were illegal in nature and I could go to Thai jail and (2) I plan to sell this plot to a screenwriter for at least the amount of my loss (It's a good story, probably the best ever). However, this leaves me with considerably less money than I intended to have. I'm practicing buddhist calm and everything is gonna be ok.

So this sucked but the show must go on. Last night I was hanging out with a bunch of people drinking some beer chang. This is a thai beer that is very strong but goes down so smooth. I had several but didn't get drunk at all, just went straight to tired (I also had not slept the night before). We were walking to this bar where there was supposed to be some good music. This australiasian girl (asian girl who speaks with an aussie accent, man thats hot) who I had a chance of hooking up with got bit by a rabid dog on the street and we had to take her to the hospital. This squashed my plans pretty good. Also, the taxi driver backed up into a pole and fucked his cab up pretty bad.

After the hospital we figured we would go check out the ping pong show. We got there and it was in a supremely sketchy looking neighborhood. As we were walking in some people coming out told us it was not worth the money so we did not go in. Instead we got more beer chang. I woke up this morning with a very bad hangover but a cold shower a pineapple shake cured me right up.

Would you like 2 shirts or 3?

Yesterday was a trip. I was walking around in my neighborhood and this guy started talking to me. He wasn't a taxi driver which was nice. We were chatting for a bit. He was a teacher at one of the local schools. A real sweet guy, he gave me some useful advice and even drew on my map some places I should go. He also taught me some useful phrases.

I flagged down a tuktuk driver we agreed on where he would take me. At one of the temples I was walking around and one of the tourist police approached me. He was nice, offered me some more advice and also drew on my map. He noticed that somebody had already drawn on it but he added a few things. So this guy works for the government which is why I couldn't understand why he was encouraging me so much to go to this garment shop. Seriously, he was really pushing it. So I said goodbye, and the driver insisted that we stop at this place before he takes me back. So he ends up taking me to the exact garment shop mr. tourist police was talking about. I figured this was some conspiracy. I walked in and they immediately started selling me suits and shit. I ended up buying a shirt. I didn't want to buy it but I was afraid they might kill me. I suppose the plus side that now I will have a really nice tailored shirt (bringing my tailored shirt count to 1). The shitty thing is I have to carry it around in my bag for five months.

Later on I met a guy that I met in NZ. How nuts is that? He was an asshole in NZ and was still and asshole.

Caution the ladyboy and lady of the street

Before I get to Bangkok, let me just tell you about this woman I sat next to on the plane from LA to Tokyo. she was very dumb. This was her first trip on a plane, which is ok, I'm not judging that at all. I am judging this. I opened the window to the pacific and she said, "is that the ocean?". Seriously? Seriously, woman? She also didnt know what family name and given name meant. She also asked me if home address meant home address or mailing address. I was getting pretty fed up with her questions and did my best to force myself to sleep.

I got into Bangkok at around midnight. I walked outside to the taxi stand. There is a woman sitting there who you tell where you wanna go. She then writes it in thai for the driver. This apparently is not very helpful because I had to struggle with the driver for several minutes about where we were going and then finally conceded to a place that he knew, even though it was a few blocks from where i wanted to be. All good though. We got to Khao san rd which is where most of the backpackers stay. My first thought was that it reminded me of an asian bourban street, except that as i walked down the street with my backpack, I was asked every 3 steps if I needed a taxi. I got to the end of the street and was pretty disoriented. the map i had wasnt very useful because I could not locate myself on it.

There was a guy selling t-shirts on the corner and I asked him how to get to Lamphu guesthouse (reccomended by lonely planet) he didnt know where it was but pointed out one right behind me. At this point I just wanted to put this bag so I would stop attracting so much attention. I went inside, a guy showed me to my room and i put my bag down. It was at this point that the tshirt salesman ran up and drew me a diagram of how to get to where i wanted to go (he had asked around I suppose). what a nice guy. I decided to just stay there though, just felt like being in a bed (24 hours of sitting in a damn plane seat is murder).

I took a much needed crap but there was no toilet paper. This was a situation I knew may happen but did not prepare for. I needed a shower anyway. The shower head conveniently located just next to the toilet. It looked complicated but I managed to get it working. The water was ice cold. afterwards i noticed a machine for hot water (coin operated). I retreated to my room. A notice on the door "Caution the ladyboy and lady of the street". I slept fitfully if it all.

I got up early this morning very hungry. I walked outside and wandered down the street. I bought fried pork over rice from a street vendor for 30 baht (approx. 80 cents). It was awesome, tasty, spicy, exactly what I needed. I walked around the area, now feeling semi confident I know where I am and where I can find a better (and cheaper) place to stay. It only took about 20 minutes before I was approached by a ladyboy. She asked me if i was going to hotel. I said no. She followed me for a bit but I have long legs and can walk fast, even when eating fried pork with a plastic spoon.